it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
