dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
