I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
