it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
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