Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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