She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
