Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
