I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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