i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
