Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
