I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
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He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
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I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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