I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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