I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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