there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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