my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
