ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
