Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
