Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
