dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
