There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
