I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
