I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
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my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
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What changed your mind?
Being sober
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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