Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
