You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's blow job season.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
