he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
