My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
