..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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