I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
There's even glitter on my cock...
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