She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
