just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
