I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
