I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
