I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize