It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
