she was so not down for the gang bang
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
