my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
