My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
