You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
