I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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