brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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