Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
