We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
