Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
