I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
