me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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