The brown eye won't let me do that either.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
