It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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