Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
