Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
