I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
