My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
