i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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