is your mom at the bar?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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