wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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