The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
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I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
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Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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