Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
