no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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