Will you blow on my dice?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
