census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize