So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
