These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
