Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
