I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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