a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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