I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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