Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
