he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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