Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
